Anxiety disorders are one of the most common mental health challenges for youth and children, and in the last decade there has been a drastic rise in anxiety related disorders especially for girls. When untreated those children who suffer from anxiety can be at a higher risk of doing poorly in school, experiencing negative social experiences and lack of resilience.
On the bright side, yes, there is a bright side, this can be changed, healthy emotional and social development in the early years can lay the foundation for positive mental health and resilience. As parents, educators and people living in the village that helps raise that child, we have the opportunity to change the way our children see themselves and their environment.
Behind every child who believes in themselves is a parent who believed first.
Back to school should be an exciting time for students but often it also brings up anxiety, fear and stress for parents, children and teachers. I have been on this roller coaster of emotions as a parent, teacher, and personally throughout my life. Enter, the power of the subconscious mind.
No matter what is happening with your conscious mind, it is the subconscious mind that dominates mental activity. The subconscious mind can create a growth mindset that helps students cope with setbacks, points them to good strategies and leads them to act in their best interest. Students need a growth mindset and not a fixed mindset which keeps them in that anxious, fearful state.
So how can we help our children overcome their anxiety and fears that come with those first days back to school? How can we give them the confidence and courage to believe in themselves and their abilities to create happiness and feelings of excitement for school?
We can give them the power of using their own positive mindset.
The goal of creating growth mindsets is helping children whose heads are filled with limiting thoughts, a fragile sense of belonging and a belief that other people’s opinions define them, begin to understand and believe that they can be happy and successful, their lives have value and they have the power to succeed.
The growth mindset instills the beliefs that:
*you can make a mistake and still learn and grow without feeling like a mistake.
*skills and abilities can be developed to help reach goals.
*there is a way through, around or over any obstacle or challenge.
*hard work means you get what you put in.
*success is learning and improving.
*you can and will persevere through the rough spots.
*there can and is achievement with setbacks.
*failure is not a sign of stupidity but a lack of experience and skill.
*prejudice is just someone else’s view.
*you are not the negative opinions of others.
*it is their effort that deserves praise. (Lowering standards does not raise self-esteem.)
*success does not come to you, you go to it.
*they need to improve their behavior to grow.
*when you learn new things, your brain gets stronger. Every day we learn and grow.
*success is simply being your best self.
*you can use your positive self-talk to build success when challenged by school or peers.
*they have the courage to embrace their goals and challenges.
*anxiety is a normal healthy function.
Students with a growth mindset feel good about themselves, they tend to stay true to their values, stand up to peer pressure and go after their dreams. Feeling good about themselves, their courage and their ability to face life is incredibly important to a student’s success in school. Belief in self is key.
So how can we as parents help our children build a growth mindset? Parents can actually help a lot by simply listening to their child’s fears without judgement or comments, just listen, reassuring them that they can handle this new time in their lives and then prompting them with the tools they need to face and conquer their fears.
‘I hear you, your fears matter,’ usually brings a child to a calmer place where together you can discuss the anxiety and fear and then come up with a plan to figure it out. Those plans encourage the child to trust themselves and their abilities as well as the knowledge that life is not always easy, fair, or without stress but they have the power within them to succeed and overcome whatever it is they face.
The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.
Below are a number of ways that I have found to be very successful, that encourage positivity and growth with students. Each suggestion will vary with the age of the student. (Keep in mind that we do not want to solve their problems for them but help them with their self-talk so they feel they are in control.)
· * Spend time before school starts brainstorming all the positives of the first week back.
· * Have them visualize their first day back. (Walking into their classroom, recess, eating lunch, learning new things, being with old and new friends, meeting new teachers…) This is the perfect time to let them share their fears and a chance to discuss how they might choose to deal with those fears.
· * Write 3 positive affirmations they can repeat when faced with fear or anxiety at school.
I am stronger than my fears. I’ve got this. I am courage. This will pass. I am learning and growing. I am not the negative opinions of other people. I am an awesome person. I am a hard worker. I will keep trying.
· * Practice their positive self-talk and affirmations.
Whatever we tell our subconscious mind it believes.
· *Post a different affirmation each day on their mirror or the fridge door or leave themselves affirmation notes in their backpacks or lunch kits. Older students may choose to write them on or in their binders or notebooks
· *Write out their fears in a journal. Let them read it to you and discuss if they would like.
· * Have them draw funny pictures or cartoons of what happens at school.
· *Write about their biggest fear and then talk about the reasons that it likely won’t happen.
· * Make a list of all the things they are good at.
· * Let your child choose their top fear and brainstorm with them how they might be able to deal with that fear. Letting them come up with their own ideas is empowering.
· *If they fear feeling anxious then walk them through that anxiety and create a plan should that happen, like using their positive affirmations or breathing.
· * Create a morning or evening ritual where your child repeats an affirmation for that day. Starting their day with positivity creates a ripple effect for that day.
· *Write or repeat three things they are grateful for every day. Gratitude just makes us feel happy.
Hang in there, this takes practice and A LOT OF PARENT PATIENCE. The anxiety youth feel from facing their challenges and fearful thoughts is actually how they develop their strength and resilience. Never forget that you are doing the best you can as a parent and the best we can do for our children is to listen and provide them with the tools needed to face life while building their courage muscle.
The only things kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.
You’ve Got This!
Remember…
Always Believe, You Are Amazing,
Tammie
Helping youth face their challenges with positive self-talk is my passion in life. You may also be interested in checking out my CHOICES Student Success Planners for your student or my self-talk journal, Let’s Talk Self-Talk. Two great ways to give your child the power over their day.
I hope in some way this blog has given you a few tips and tools to help you with parenting your anxious child. Send me an email and I would love to send you my five favorite affirmations and the ways they can be used to build your child’s positive self-talk, resilience and growth mindset.